Valentine’s Day tends to stir up a lot of different feelings. Maybe you’re someone who looks forward to love letters, romantic dinners, and heart-shaped chocolates. Or maybe you’d prefer to pretend the holiday doesn’t exist at all. However you feel about it, Valentine’s Day can be a great excuse to pause and check in with yourself and consider how to practice self-love in your everyday life.
It’s easy to focus all our energy on others -friends, family, partners – without realizing our own emotional tanks are running low. So this year, why not take a little time to reflect how to practice self-love and to nurture the most important relationship in your life – the one you have with yourself?
How to practice self-love?
Below are three simple, personal practices you can try. They are inspired by therapeutic principles I use and can help you feel more grounded, whole, and self-supportive. And who knows – maybe a little self-care will help you enjoy (or at least tolerate) Valentine’s Day even more.
Idea 1: Make a little memory corner
Think of a spot in your home – a tiny shelf, a corner of your desk, or even a specific part of your wall – and dedicate it to your memories. Place there a few photos, mementos, or small keepsakes that mean a lot to you- items that remind you of different chapters of your life. It might be a picture of you from when you were a child, a ticket from an event you loved, or even a postcard from your first big trip.
When you stand in front of these items, ask yourself, “Who was I then, and what did I need?” It’s a way of reminding yourself that you’ve grown and changed, and that there’s still a thread that connects your past to your present.
I invite you to consider what that past version of you might have been missing – maybe confidence, validation, or a sense of security. Then, ask, “What do I need right now?” By bridging the gap between past and present, you can more clearly see how to give yourself the care you might have missed.
My tip: Make it a quick ritual. Spend just a minute or two each day, perhaps when you’re getting ready in the morning or just before bed, to stand in front of your “memory corner”. Notice the emotions that come up. Are you proud? Nostalgic? A little sad? Let it be okay to feel whatever shows up.
Idea 2: Write a note to Past You
Grab a piece of paper (or open a note on your phone) and think back to a moment in your life when you felt lost, overwhelmed, or lonely. It could be from a year ago, five years ago, or even a few decades ago. Then, write a letter or note to that version of yourself.
Start by naming what you were going through at the time: “I know you felt completely defeated when you didn’t get that job,” or “I remember how alone you felt when you moved to that new city.”
And take a moment to think: what words of comfort do you wish someone had given you back then? “It’s okay to feel scared,” or “You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough”.
If you could go back with the wisdom you have now, what would you say to help that younger you? Think about the insights you’ve gained since then.
Why I recommend this practice? It might feel odd, but putting yourself back into your younger mindset and offering reassurance can help you spot how much you’ve grown. Also, we’re often kinder to other people than we are to ourselves. Writing to your past self lets you channel that same kindness inward.
My tip: Keep this note somewhere safe. On tough days, reread it. Remember that if you could show compassion to a past version of yourself, you can do the same for who you are right now.
Idea 3: Try a therapeutic check-in
This idea comes from the sort of exercise I sometime guide my therapy clients through, but you can do it alone in just a few minutes.
- First, find a calm moment in your day, morning, lunch break, bedtime, whenever you can have a few uninterrupted minutes.
- Close your eyes (if you can) and take a few slow, steady breaths. Notice any tension in your body – are your shoulders tight? Is your jaw clenched? How’s your breathing? Then gently shift your focus to your thoughts and emotions.
- Name the feelings. Don’t judge them, just name them. Worried, frustrated, excited, or even numb – whatever comes up, let it be what it is.
- Kindly respond to what comes up. If you notice harsh self-talk (“I’m not good enough,” “I should be better,” etc.), pause. Pretend you’re talking to a friend who just told you they feel this way. What would you say to make them feel supported? Try offering yourself those same words.
I believe we can’t fix something we don’t understand, and knwoledge is power. Understanding how to practice self-love goes beyond feeling good; it also involves caring for your emotional and mental needs. Identifying tension or negative thoughts is crucial for processing them.
Also, over time, your mind starts to pick up the habit of self-validation. You might realize: “Wow, I can actually be my own cheerleader.”
If you find yourself repeatedly hitting certain emotional walls, this could be a sign you’d benefit from working with a professional – and deciding to start a therapy can indeed be a powerful sign of self-love! But even this brief check-in helps you practice self-awareness on a daily basis.
My tip: If you find yourself getting overwhelmed, it’s okay to stop. You can revisit these feelings when you’re in a safer or calmer headspace, or you can reach out to a therapist or trusted friend. Sometimes the wisest form of self-care is knowing when to seek a little extra help.
Why self-love matters
It’s not selfish to care for yourself. In fact, it’s the opposite: the more compassion and attention you give yourself, the more you have to share with everyone else in your life. Think of it like having a battery – if you’re running on 2%, you might push through for a bit, but eventually you’ll burn out. Recharging your own battery means you’ll have the energy to fully show up for your loved ones, your job, and your passions.
So this Valentine’s Day (and honestly, any day), give yourself the gift of a little self-love. If you’re learning how to practice self-love, start with small daily rituals that boost your sense of self-worth. Spend five minutes at your “memory corner”, write that letter you’ve been putting off, or try a quick therapeutic check-in. You might be surprised by the difference it makes in how you see yourself and the world around you.
Remember, you deserve the same patience, compassion, and care that you offer to the people you love. Start filling your own cup, and watch how it overflows into all the areas that matter most to you. And once you’ve explored how to practice self-love here, take the next step by reading my earlier post on loving relationships with others – and if at any point you feel you need extra support, talking to a therapist can be a powerful way forward.
Wishing you a Valentine’s Day filled with the kind of love that starts from within.